Part 2 of Human Doll
It took Penelope 3 years to realize that the man she’s been loving the whole time only saw her as an investment. It took her 3 years to cut him off, feeling a deep level of resentment and anger at herself. Why did she let it go for as long as 3 years? 3 years too late. Now she wasn’t going to let this present affair of 3 weeks slog that long.
Motoko Kusanagi could not understand her. The older woman saw Penelope as a research subject, a thing to observe and experiment, like a rat inside a cage. Penny learned of cyborgs like her having “ghosts”, which was technically equivalent to a human soul. But ghosts and souls are different.
The Major’s ghost wanted rationality, order and a sense of power. It wanders on about her identity, of surpassing what she is capable now. It was concerned with enlightenment and perfection. It doesn’t exist just as it is—it is artificial, perhaps genuine but nothing like the complexity and vulnerability of the human soul. Such is larger than life, or hidden deep beneath the surface, rumbling inside their blood. It cries out for love but indulges in chaos; it wants the self to get better but knows when to be kind to who you are now. It is passionate in the way it excites your senses, hitches your breath and quickens your pulse. It is magical, wicked and pure—naïve as it may appear, a soul is nevertheless authentic, natural and sincere.
Penelope bit her lip. She remembered Motoko being too young to have her entire injured body replaced with a cybernetic one. Motoko never asked for it. She had to adapt it. A life living in shells… “I wonder if she’s even capable of truly loving.”
It didn’t matter anymore so she pushed the thought away. She wasn’t going to waste hours crying over a broken heart nor was she going to step on her dignity by coming back to something that was harming her. She was going to work on saving herself.