I’m not a Cate Blanchett yet, but I like to think I’m on my way. This industry was harder to get in than I thought it was. My initial thoughts that if you’re pretty and talented, you could get in.
Don’t you love it when rain starts pouring down just before you go to work? Then you wait for the rain to pour harder for the flood to start so that you don’t actually have to go to work anymore?
None of them understands. None. I’d like to draw you a self-portrait of me but I’m bad with words and drawing. Hahaha!
It’s important to lose your ego especially when you know you’re in the wrong but don’t lose your capability. Just the other day, the director screamed at me for not following direction and I apologized, checked my own cockiness and did it right. Smugness is abhorred in any occupation.
I like goodness. And maturity, and kindness.
People say I think too much of myself but why wouldn’t you think of yourself? I’d like to think I like myself in my own skin. Let your light shine bright, even if people seem to hate the glow.
I like to think I’m very competent—in fact, no one here can compare to my acting abilities. I can be an innocent little Alice to a sexy, sultry Cleopatra; from a conservative, plain Jane to a spontaneous, cunning Mata Hari. You name it! I can put myself in different shoes for different folks. It’s almost like magic.
My colleagues don’t like that. But that’s your workplace for you. They want you to be only as good as they are or else you’ll be hated for being the best. Don’t you think that’s quite unfair? They undermine my abilities and isolate me from the group. I cannot talk to anyone. And I have plenty to talk about!
This is my life and it’s all that I have. I can’t let people trample me like I’m a fucking rag. You have to be kind to your enemies, though, reader. You have to teach them a lesson. You smile sweetly while they huddle together and occasionally glance at your direction, knowing that at the end of the day, you know their names and more importantly, their addresses. I never forget my enemies. Kids, never forget your enemies! You have to be good and show them the way.
And no, hahaha! I’m not that miserable. In fact, you wouldn’t really feel anything about having your self-worth trampled on when you don’t have an actual self to begin with. The way to life, love and acting is to be a complete blank slate to be anything you want to be. You don’t need masks, you can be your own plain, uninteresting self!
Who wants a predictable personality anyway? That’ll be the death of me, to be figured out like some normal person. Never EVER settle to be a normal person, okay?
Do you like mirrors? I like mirrors.