Sacrifice

Who knew I had to lose you
For me to realize
That everything I needed was right here all the time.
I’ll never forget the love we shared
No matter how you see me
Know that I loved you,
But time wants me more now.

I don’t need your approval.
Don’t need your voice.
Don’t need reassurance
Self-depreciation.

I’m moving on from that kind of thinking.
I never knew I could.
There are so much more to look out now;
It’s all waiting for me.
And I think of all the others
Piled up in a cloud of dust.
I had a choice
And blew them all away.

 

It’s the end of the year, and I’m happy
Finally.
But there is so much more out there.
Happiness is never permanent
But peace is
And faith is.

 

I told myself I would sink my teeth in
It’s not like I had anything to lose then
But here I am surrounded
By people,
By stories,
By controversies,
By beauty and wickedness.
In the end, all I have is myself.
Might as well, learn to live with her.

 

There’s no point to cutting the cord of my soul.
I’m staying.
I’m alive.
Who knew.
Who knew?
I didn’t…yet here I am.

Yet here I am.

Hesitation

“I think I love him..but not yet. It’s too soon. I cannot make the jump at a low point in my life. I think he loves me but I do not really know.

I feel like time slows down. Old 80’s soundtrack plays on the background. It was 1 AM in the morning again.I cradle my phone like I would cradle his head.He whispers to my ear music of the universe and the hope of the human soul.

He was real, perhaps he is honest. Why couldn’t I adore him? But no, not yet, I need to fly away.

For distance,

For thinking,

For the love of my heart.

I do not want to jump. I do not want to expect.

But I do know that I wish time stopped at 1 AM with my head on your neck as we talked about all that matters and all that had soul.

I can’t stop myself when I think of you but the world is waiting; we both have to get going.

I have to think of myself too.”